Whats the Word again

CWG - A missed opportunity

2010-10-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

CWG IXX, after tons of bad press (press never the less) got off to a popular start..
Since then it has been an affair, which at best is just being managed on the ground.
I’ve been to 4 different events at 4 different stadiums so far and genuinely feel the property (woo u marketing geek, this one’s a fuckin property to you) has lost out on tons of opportunities to deliver an India experience. It has also failed to deliver the experience to India.

In marketing parlance (again, woof, get a life) it has failed the last mile. If somebody tells me the infrastructure is amazing and the performances are world class I’d just ask them to stop eating shit that media feeds them. Reduce tolerance levels, quit the I couldn’t care less attitude and join me wear a t-shirt with Sheila, Kalmadi and Gill hung from the pole vault bar.

What you harp my sissy friend is hygiene, the Olympic Committee wouldn’t let the games happen if this infrastructure wasn’t in place. I believe the one thing the media did right though was get a lot of flak on these corrupted individuals. Yes, it did go overboard criticizing the games themselves when they knew they’ll happen and they’re about sport primarily. It was one of the reasons the first few days were low on attendance, no one bought the tickets, even the tourists were discouraged by all the scandalous reports. Media has an important role to play and its not an easy one, being “neutral and objective”. Is that an excuse to fuck up, looks like it. I hate private news channels, unimaginative loud mouthed presenters and worse content. Get your act together ladies, some of you’re so screechy, my speakers feel threatened when (i) you turn up. Wish Barkha can grow some balls and ask We the people if it is morally ok for Kalmadi to be giving away medals, isn’t their and enquiry on him?? If not ask why not… and now, that’s relevant.

So what are the big issues on the ground – First up city infrastructure couldn’t be worse. Just because we have the darn games doesn’t mean the city should come to a stand still. The games aren’t feeding any one except Kalmadi, (don say Kalmadi, he’s not the only one). Yea I know he aint. But Kalmadi is now a word in my dictionary, it means - extremely corrupt. So yeah, if I have to start tweeting (btw it was of no help, I need to get off social networks) to check traffic on the roads and it takes 3 hours to do 20km, I’m pissed off.
Let’s try and do the math (yes I am doing the math, anyone got a problem), an average office going person in Delhi would be earning about 15k a month (20 working days, that’s about Rs. 750/working day and almost a 100/hr). Out of a population of 20mn at least 40 % would be office going. That’s 8mn office going people. If on an average, and this a very optimistic no., people lose about half hour (total both ways) per day because of CWG. 8mn*50 is the INR 400mn (40 crores, optimistic estimate) worth man hours are being lost on a daily basis. That is over and above what we lose due to the pathetic travel situation anyways. In 10 working days, we’ll lose about 400 crores worth such man hours. Out of which even if the effectiveness of an average office goer is a pessimistic (yea yea I learnt that shit) 40% we’re still losing 160 crores worth such man hours to the games. Having said that this is the cost incurred by the companies across the city employing these office goers. The price that the city’s economy would pay can be calculated on the no. of dollars generated on an average on an hourly basis. Get the drift right?? I don’t particularly give a fuck if you don’t, that’s the amount of math I can do :/
A lot has been made of the effectiveness of “last minute India”. I think it’s just a shame, a fucking lazy approach, like the one we have towards sports itself. Most of the last minute jobs are visibly shoddy; thankfully, they’re not as important. If it’s acceptable, it’s only because either the standards are low or the reasons are beyond the game.

Next up, people who are going to the games are of 4 categories:
1. Tourist – most of who are related to some one on the team
2. Delhiites – who genuinely love sport
3. Delhiites – who’re there because it’s the new deal
4. Delhites – who’re there because they have nothing better to do

Category 1 and 3 are the ones buying the majority of the tickets. Out of which the foreign tourists are basically the astounded lot. You look at them and they have this blankness of a ghost or a physics teacher (mine had it).
I reckon, this astonishment is because of 2 reasons – 1 because they’re ignorant and they dint read up on how disorganized India actually is, so they came in expecting a lot.
The other because they read too much about India and fantasized elephants and cows on the road etc. (Get over it or I’ll whitelist you thick heads) What do they know, all the cattle’s tied at Kalmadi’s Chatarpur farmhouse, being fed by Lalu’s chara which is still in circulation. Category 3 is the typical Shahid – Kareena (Jab we metisque) loving Delhi lot about which enough and more has been documented.

Category 2 is the ridiculous minority, they’re basically just happy to watch the games and the athleticism. They thank god for the absence of IPL type cheerleaders but have nightmares of them jumping onto the scene when they go for the next event.
They bear the pain of bad volunteering, the security farce, lack of hospitality and of course Kalmadis giving away medals.

All this just cuz they realize how big this opportunity is to watch the real thing..

Category 4 is the most amusing, they turn up at events not knowing anything about the sport, not wanting to know anything while their there either. What kills it is when they make their own rules based on the standing that comes on the big screen. I remember these 2 ladies who’d come to watch cycling. During the team event, their like, “the cyclists in the same team have to beat each other and the one who comes last is a disgrace to the team and has to move out in the subsequent lap”. What is sad though is that a serious percentage of this category acknowledge world class athletes like they are freaks. Our lack of awareness of our own body is such an epidemic that the exceptions are treated like aliens. It doesn’t help that most of them have a different skin colour. For these people there is no difference between a “maut ka kuan” performer and a world record holding Kenyan. If anything, they’d believe that the circus freak is more talented.

It is so critical to build a culture where people know how to be a good sports audience. Who to cheer, when to cheer, how to cheer. It is such a critical part of sports as entertainment. And you cant teach the fat Sardaar ji from Karol Baag or the bhenji from Rajendar Nagar or Mrs Sharma from South Ex, it’s the kids who need to be taught.
That’s a another big failing of these games. They’re being looked upon as an end to itself. I’m sure there are tons of “Thank god CWG is over” tweets brewing in a million minds. And I’m surer that the various committees have no clue as to what they want to do with all the excitement and infrastructure developed around the games. In all of the four venues the percentage of young kids was pathetic. How conveniently did the delhi govt. give the schools an off. Couldn they schedule the direction of some of those school busses to the empty stadiums with the PT teachers who should have been re trained in all sports faculties ?????

Also, I don’t know if people know but there are Vetran Athletics that happen at the state, national and international level. These athletes or at least the distinguished ones should have been invited at these events. I took one such athlete to the JN Stadium. This gentleman at the age of 85 does a 100m in 18 secs. Does he deserve to be acknowledged as distinguished audience? or must I give away my 500 Rs. Seats for some Olympic committee foreign guests? This gentleman by the way is my grandfather and he is the President of Delhi’s Veteran Athletic Association.

This is the original Veteran body in Delhi to which a parallel association was started by one Mr. Bhanot a few years back to traffic middle aged people who wanted to go abroad but wouldn’t get a visa otherwise.
I will put in more details about this some other time but the point I’m trying to make is that why weren’t such profiles young and old identified and brought to the game’s premier events. Why weren’t their kids escorting athletes to the medal podium???

There are tons of other things one can critique about, but it irks me too much to go on. So I’m gonna get off the boil now and train some myself so I can walk the talk.

Also closing this one I must highlight that the rush one gets watching an athlete excel is beyond what any other entertainment can offer, particularly if the athlete is Indian.

Cheers to the games for whatever they worth..

of Charpais, Chaach, Country Cousins and Headlights

2010-05-30T04:24:00.000-07:00

We’re gonna get our kicks before this house burns down…

About a month back I’d gone ol the way to Gurgaon to play football over the weekend. It started raining so we couldn play ended up just sittin at me friend’s and having fuck’s sake conversations as usual.

This is when one of the guys Vikas brought up his brother’s controversial (dats another story) wedding that was soon to happen. But it wasn the how’s the whys and the whens that I cared much about, it was the where of it. And to my frenzied delight he suggested it’s going to happen in their village, Neem Ka Thana. Not in Delhi, not even in Jaipur, now that’s just unheard of, certainly unattended to.
Next coupla weeks I pestered our man Vikas for confirmation. A week before the wedding he told me “it’s gonna be 22nd May and you should land up” , invitation enough yeah. There was no question, I was goin, and there was no question I was riding the 5 hours down.
Now then, I thought it’d be nice to have company on the ride and I asked Bhatia, another dude who was part of the initial conversation and happened to be the groom’s roommate. Being a travel freak himself he was totally in no time. To cut the rest of the boring details short we were on the road delayed by 2 hours @7:40 pm on 21st night. Niether of us was in the best shape, Bhatia had a shoulder tear and I was carrying a bug or two in me stomach. Neways, it was quite a regular night ride on the Jaipur Highway. Vikas had told us that we have to get off the highway into a left from a circle that will indicate Neem Ka Thana, what else. We forgot however to ask him how short of Jaipur would this turn be. I for some reason had 40kms short in my head. Anyways, we decided to call him when we would have done a safe 100. So we did, stopping at a Dhaba for our second tea stop. We had left the turn 13kms behind. We thought, ok ..Now that we’re delayed we might as well get some food. So we hogged on dhaba delights. Turned back reached the point from where we now had to take a left, almost missed it because apparently there was some construction happening and they’d done away wit the sign boards and well the circle itself. Neways, asking around, we took the inconspicuous left. It din look like they’d be anything beyond a 10 min ride up, but Vikas had told us it’ll take about an hour after taking the turn. It was pitch dark and the road wasn exactly the ones to rip on. Besides I discovered that after 2 accidents in 6 months I am night blind, meaning I can’t negotiate turns with headlights in my eyes. I say night blindness cuz Bhatia say’s he can totally do that. I’m not really sure if I’m night-blind and a bit jittery because of recent crashes or he’s just got extraordinary eyes. Either ways I was the one riding and the last 1 hr of the journey drained out a lot of the coconut water that I’d put in me system for my stomach.
We were there and it was 1am and the idea of space and time was kinda lost on us. All we needed was a bit of alcohol and a comfortable bed. Vikas and his country cousins arrived and one of the exigencies was taken care off. We got some beer in our system. Infact to be specific I put a Bullet in my head and felt much better. We ate a bit too. Now it was time to sleep and just as I’d expected (yeah right!) we were lead to a gas agency surrounded with fields and made to sleep on the Charpai. Authentic.. ain it. We could see the night sky very clearly and at the expense of sounding a bit pseudo, it was pretty. By the way this was Vikas’ cousin Montu’s Gas agency (It was also called Montu’s Gas Agency) and his Charpai too. After a long night it wasn difficult to put ourselves to bed, expect Bhatia who had to battle a fly through the rest of the night. It’s not funny, we’ve ol been thru those flies who take a special fancy for our skins, and our skins only.

22nd Morning 7am – Isn’t exactly the time you’d wanna wake up on a weekend especially after a long rough night. But when you sleep in the open the alarm clock doesn really sound, it shines, n in Rajasthan part of the world it shine’s rather bright. We weren’t exactly the kinds to comply to the sun easily so we lased around till we din get our cuppa tea, had it and kicked off what was to be an exciting day and a mind numbing night.
There were some complications about how and wher we would freshen up. These continued even when we reached the host’s place. Eventually we did exercise our rights in the tiny shared bathrooms, with 2 rounds each and weren’t we brimming. Young turks ready to take on the world. Except that Neem ka thana could never have been our Normandy. Neways, we meet a lot of people, relationship nomenclature notwithstanding all of them seemed nice but not overtly excited to see a coupla city lads who wouldn even touch their feet. Well, what has the world come to I say.

Right, so we head to a room which has apparently been opened after ages, specially for us. I wonder why, does it self explode, or does it suck in the inhabitants. Neways, it has a cooler and a coupla charpais and a coffee table read in “Soviet Sangh”, hard cover(just kidding, not about the title tho).

Need we ask for more? But before we explore the amenities, we’ve been summoned for breakfast which is well, authentic. White Paranthas with raw onions and tomatoes and a jug of chaach. After filling our empty stomachs we could see charpais everywhere. It was our own little jutey oasis. But sleep we weren gonna get so easily. It was the wedding house, our trip short and this was the only time we could see the market. So we did the done, headed to the market where we met Vikas’s Dad who took a special liking towards Vishesh “Marlboro Man” Bhatia, if you know what I mean. You do not. Well quickly then, The groom’s (Vikram) dad had paid his son a visit in the recent past to discover the fabulous company his son was living in. Their bachelor pad had been just the way it should have been - to the distaste of older folks. Moving on, while in the market we went to the best apparel store, one that was offering a conservative 90% discount. Also headed to a nonchalant sherwani shop to pick one up for Vikram. Job done efficiently, headed home. Could anyone stop us from sinking into those charpais now. No, noone cared as long as the city lads were sinking. 1 and half hours of the most awkward yet comfortable disposition to cradle. It was 4 pm and time to move to the Hotel/resort/park, the wedding location where we were also to be staying with another rather gigantic cousin who’s name I forget. Neways, a far more mammoth challenge was riding the bike to the location in the scorching afternoon heat. Rajasthan literally boils in the afternoon and I dived right into the pot choosing to transport the bike once in for all. Unwise, but that’s what young men are right, brave and romantic. I played my part. I was hungry again and there were a million things that Vikas had to get sorted before the wedding.

There were these all important nothings in between and I’ll cut to the wedding, or just before the wedding.
Pre wedding drinks are a must, and there was a theka strategically located adjacent to the wedding venue. We thru down beer after beef, broke a bottle, cliked some interesting pictures and were joined by Vikas and his cousins and the party just kept getting bigger and wilder. By the time we formally entered the venue, I’d put in some whisky loads of beer and a few packets of Rajnigandha mix into my body. I was buzzing to put it mildly.
At the wedding there was a troop of Rajasthani dancers to keep the guests entertained. Women and men were dutifully sitting separately. There was enough incest in the air. That mixed with the concoction in my head was taking me places. So I headed for the room. And behold, there were women from the girl’s side changing in our room, so I had to keep out a little longer. When they were done, we did our namastes on my way in as they shimmered out. Soon, I was joined by the country clan again and they were urging me to get off my ass as the baraat was there and we had to let it rip to the shehnai & dhol. I couldn be less interested, but I was made to wear the authentic Rajasthani head gear and it put me in the mood. We headed out, moshpited the baraat and were sober again. Went inside enjoyed the performances of the dance troop especially their charismatic (or should I say freaky) front man. Amazing stuff anyways.

While having our dinner some time later we realized it’s going to be a long night, one in which we are not going to get any sleep if we stay put. At 1 am we decided we had to leave, much to the apprehensions of all and sundry. But we had to; the prospect of riding sleep devoid in the heat next morning (which was the only alternative) was not attractive at all. So we started off, into the pitch darkness and towards the many headlights that were to fixate us on our way to the highway. As we hit the highway we were both exceedingly tired and sleepy, stopped at the first Dhaba we found, had some tea and before we knew it both of slouched a sleep on the Charpais. Woke up after 1 and half hours again and moved on, this time to complete our journey. It wasn an easy ride tho. I realized I needed to change my bike’s handle bars as they were causing “accumulation of lactic acid in my shoulders” – Bhatia.
When we reached we knew were done for and dead. As I flopped onto the bed I dint feel very well and was also hungry. But I did not have the stamina to make any arrangements ot ask Bhatia. Bhatia seemed slightly better off, but his fate for the morning was ditto, sleeping like a log.

East India, in good company

2010-03-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

K gotto to say this….getting back is n that bad….
Beeen out for 8 days, I’d never done East of India before….
Just gonna quickly make a note of a few things for my own future reference and the benefit of those reading…
Observations that might help people traveling that side of the country…did I say help…now fuck help yeah…
Here goes:
Whoever has not been to the eastern part of India is seriously missing out on loads of shit….When I say that I don mean picturesque scenery and the other overrated jazz associated with traveling. I am talking about people, culture, that collective soul…. Did I say soul ,…now fuck soul… but get the drift…

K so apart from really short similar looking pretty people what does the east have to offer…
Well depends how you look at it…how quickly you look at it …how much of it do you see…k I’m trying to get some serious structure to this writing but am failing miserably…whats new…

K K K…so let me just beef my itenary-

First stop Shillong….
Due to a missed flight got only one night in Shillong as opposed to the planned 2… There isn much to do there apart from sight see and appreciate the simple living people…. So we did that!!
NOTE: when u travel to any part of the country take private cabs, talk to the drivers, they know the city, its part of their job to…In the east, people in this occupation are treated well, like equals, unlike a Delhi where they are well “drivers”, the canine toothed others who’re after your inherited (in the case of most upper middle class delhiites) cash.
Observation: On our way to a particular View Point, saw a few locals stop a car in open space, play peppy local music loud and dance at their picnic…quite a party at 3pm...

NOTE: People there are early to bed early to rise variety (this is the case across the North East).,. so adjust your body clock to school timings for highest productivity.

BTW lost a camera in one of the little taxis (maruti 800s) late at night. NOTE: If you lose something it will not be found, so be careful. Taxis can be reserved (rented by one group) or shared. If they are shared the rent is Rs.10/ride (rate applies across the North East). Little bit of judgment helps but generally people are honest so trust them.

Second stop Darjeeling: Stayed there for 2 nights – Walked around town. Most interesting bit: Went to the Himalyan Mountaineering Institute and museum. Learnt about many successful and not so successful Himalayan expeditions. Got inspired enough to walk 6 kms to do some climbing myself. Very very nice.
Apart from the popular Glenary bakery and restaurant there is this almost secretive drinking hole called Joey’s Pub. A very inconspicuous joint opposite the Inox building.
NOTE: Last orders at most places are 10pm, but if you still haven’t had your dinner, please ask the bar tender (who likes to call himself the accountant) where you could get some grub and you will not sleep hungry or sober.
Also, Darjeeling is right at the centre of the Gorkhaland movement, which is a peaceful(well almost) political movement (started pre independence) to have a separate state for the Gorkha people. The two primary reasons for the movement are :
a) Cultural differences with Bengal
b) Inequitable and unfavorable distribution of the current state’s (West Bengal) resources (mainly cash).
Darjeeling also has the best flee market in East India with casual clothing, shoes and trekking equipment being the most popular products. Also, I stumbled into this music store where I picked three rare rock n roll DVDs. One of them is a critical analysis of The Velvet Underground’s music…let’s c when I’ll be able to watch it now then.

3 Stop – Gangtok- 1 night

Best place for sight seeing and a halt if you are to travel upto the North-west sikkim, something we regrettably could not do because our train tickets for the next day were already booked and you need a special pass (Govt. approved) to travel there. Visited the Tibetology museum, the Buddhist monasteries and the Sikkim flower show. I’m not a flowers kinda guy but those damned orchids, woof.
We stumbled upon this café called Café Live and Loud, which as the name suggests is a live gig joint. And what a live gig we got to be a part of. Most of the band members were from other established bands but came together to play a fabulous set. Met the bassist in the loo. I was too drunk to remember his name. Of the bit I remember, he mentioned he keeps visiting Delhi and apparently they’ve started a Noida School of Rock. Couldn’t get a contact etc cuz I din feel like sounding like the fan and blah. So had a very bad bolognaise and got out in a jiffy as we had to wake up early next morning. Note: In the east look out for the live gigs ;)

Final Stop – Kolkotta – 1 night
My wishlist before reaching Kol:
Watch a Mohun Bagan East Bengal game at Salt lake stadium
Eat Rasagullas
Eat Different varieties of Fish
Pick up an antique watch from the watch street (Radha Bazaar, North Kol)

3 struck out of 4 wasn a bad conversion. Couldn watch the game cuz there wasn any :/ We had a local friend in Kol who himself had come to the city after a bit of a work related hiatus in the Bombays and the Hyderabads. Even he wanted to get re-acquainted with the city so he thot it doubly good to take us around. And he did a bloody good job of it. Knowing Bengali helps. Bengalis carry this serious baggage of being the original Indian intellectuals. They love to talk and usually have a vocabulary to do it well. In some cases though it can be a pain in the ass. Especially when they suddenly switch to Bengali, not realizing that you are not familiar with the rather rasagulla laden language. You can however put 2 and 2 together if your Hindi is good cuz they are very expressive.
Touristy activity: Marble Palace (intriguing), Victoria Memorial (yuk) and the tram (very interesting)
Food for thought and drinks for, well deeper thought: Friend’s place (traditional Bengali), Park street (fish steak), Someplace else (drinks and live Delhi based band,), Peerless Inn(Bengali delicacies), Tantra (the top club in Kol), The Grand(coffee and desert). Forgot my debit card at Some place else and realized I’d done that only when I reached Delhi next afternoon. Called The Park hotel and it is safe with them. Will ask me friend to pick it up.

All in all I had a brilliant East India experience. People are a laidback working class with very clear cultural distinctions across states with Bengal/Kol of course being the most Cosmopolitan (imagine that  ) .

To the Genuanz

2010-01-01T00:08:00.000-08:00

Last, yeah last New Year’s eve… (meaning last night for dummies) I was on Delhi’s New yeared roads looking for my little piece of madness. I was going to Kabullarassa…hope its spelt like that….actually, even if I knew the right spelling I’d spell it wrong jus for the kicks… fuck that…so when I was about a k from me destination I felt the most lost with all the metro construction and stuff….
So I pulled up to ask a young brother walking on the side if he knew where this joint was…he gave me precise directions politely (ain dat surprising for Delhi) and then requested if he could hop on cuz he was goin to the hospital just short of where I was going to let my limbs explode. I was like “sure come on in”…. For a 3 mins, 800m ride, he showed me overwhelming gratitude when he told me he works night shifts at café coffee day in the hospital and I can drop by netime…he said “aana zaroor bhaiya” . I have very solid hitch hiking xperience and can safely say that for such short rides most hikers would go like a quick thank you, if at all and gone….This kid was polite looked hardworking and after a little discussion with me mum, we reckon he wasn’t from Delhi.
A small towner trying to make ends meet in the big city…
Wherever he was from, he sure gave me a very pleasant feel to kick start what was to be a super New Year Dilli party…. I don’t know the young brother’s (I like saying that) name, but peace be to him, his family n all genuanz…

What up with you Stranger

2009-12-10T01:00:00.000-08:00

Have you wondered as I often do what the unknown stranger is doing/thinking.
Like the guy stuck between cars in his cycle when I’m on bike right in the middle of the economic divide.
Or like the lazy kid of rich daddy who’s made enough money and lost all sense of humour. Tell the kid use your body when you play a sport not your mouth. It’s not a head thing mate, it’s a heart thing. O sorry u’re growing in the age of superlative practicality and the last time you heard the word heart was when your folks called a cheesy movie well “cheesy”….”It doesn’t make any sense”. This is just a reflection of what I feel right….I’m tending towards left of centre…towards where most of my heart is I believe… But now that I’ve taken a jealous dig at the rich I’ll get back to the point of this one….
…we hear so much of others now n then….but how do we be so much of you and me. I don’t mean empathise and piss in someone else’s shoes and wet them if is just a precautionary piss. I’m talking about being someone else, and no not like in the movies……I want to realllllly be someone else for a bit…..and no I don’t wanna stay there,,,, I wanna get back to me…… but yeah….have you wondered like I wonder….”he definitely has an ugly grumpy wife”…. “it would be good to train like he does” the “support the undeserving bastard has”…… “why the fuck does he wanna be a fucking chick magnet”.
“How can he be a hair dresser and not love hair”… “Why can he not stop talking about his qualities or his rocking college life” …. “How shamelessly self conscious is this bugger to wear what he’s wearing”
Silence guys…please,,,,,,lets swap quick…..no ones watching…….done…..he he… no not done…..

PS. Ok…caveat….I don’t wana be chick even for a second……

Favoritism Bought/Earned

2009-09-02T06:52:00.000-07:00

Very often, one truly understands the meaning and the rationale behind a social phenomenon by experiencing it in ones life. Especially when the circumstances are amusing or awkward, they are usually a combination of the two.

Some similar happened to me when I went to a public sector bank today with my dad. The purpose of our visit was to obtain a stamped and signed bank statement (piece of cake, not). Since I’ve already mentioned that it was a public sector bank and a popular one at that, one would expect to spend about half a day just trying to get to the counter and once you’re there, suggest with as few words as possible that you are a) busy b) important.

No such thing happened in our case as my dad’s reputation preceded him, he had established his credentials over years by a) personifying both attributes b) making sure diwali & holi were not celebrated only with friends and family but also with best wishes of the best kind for bankers, officials, drivers and cleaners. Anybody who understands what it means to gift whisky and accept the appended responsibility that it conveys to those who obtain it.

Therefore, now when we were at the bank we could simply head to the other side of the counter where we would be asked to take a seat and offered chilled water in the politeness private banks only aspire/promise (yet to figure that one).

As we made our request another man stepped to the table. Even though his disposition did not suggest that he had the necessary attributes to be on this side of the counter, since he was there and talking to the executive who was supposed to reek of gifted blender’s pride, I’m sure he had at least one of the attributes. I just realize attribute b) important is more important than busy. But the following conversation did more to reinforce my doubts than to vindicate the presence of any of the attributes:

Unknown dude: Sir statement chahiye

Exec: Pass book istimaal karo,

Unknown dude: arre Sir, karva dijiye

Exec: nahi ho sakta bola na, jaiye ab, ek sec. ye bataiye , kis liye chahiye??? Koi loan lena hai

Unknown dude: Nahi Saab (as if taking a loan is a bloody crime) aapko patta hai sarkari daftar mein kaise hota (beat his balls, he’s standing in a sarkari daftar)

Exec: Passbook se kaam ho jayega

Unknown dude (in his mid 30s literally pleading): Saab pehli baar maang raha hoon, aaj se pehle kabhi nahi maangi….please karva dijiye…

Exec: (says nothing to him, turns to us) kitne mahine ki statement chahiye saab

Kuber Chopra: 3 months (Korrupt smile) “Uncle” (I met him for the first time) ek certificate bhi chahiye, aur thoda jaldi karwa denge to bahaut meharbaani hogi…

Exec: Vijender!! (the bank clerk) chopra saab ka statement aur certificate, 5 minute

The unknown dude just kept standing there while our work was done, hands were shaken, bye byes hollered. I have no clue if he got his statement.

Lessons learnt: Its not only about how expensive the whisky u gift is….

Favoritism is a fact of life, be on the right side of the counter

Learn from your dad, he always has a lesson or two to teach

Business as Usual

2009-01-12T10:53:00.000-08:00

What just happened? What’s this buzz…places of work are not supposed to be so refreshingly lively… but hold on, the undertone, its scary…something’s wrong,,,forget it gotta wrap up a few tasks before lunch …sloppy deadlines, hate em, business as usual...

After all that transpired over the last few months it was evident that things at Sat(y)am were bad…really bad… but then it came, as a nonchalant forward,, “FW: Ramalinga raju’s resignation letter”. Big deal ! I thot as I often do, on receiving stupid forwards. Just another forward, even if he did resign, it must be, owing to a string of bad decisions over the past few months… acquiring Ma(y)tas cuz "sonny should shiny" was a bad idea..lets restore investor confidence.. lets resign…” well done! but my heart goes out to u man, it must hurt leaving something u built…”

K now lunch time, Akshai’s (friend in office) gone to another location, so will have lunch alone…In the cafeteria I notice the same buzz, this time only louder. In the distance, on the café’ TV a yellow trend line on CNBC, looks eerie. Its more like a yellow step down, the edge of a cliff with shadows of people in the foreground, its surreal. Its only when I take my food n get closer to the TV I realize its the movement of Sat(y)am stock, 80,78….65….33!!!!! 33!!!!....beat, shit I’m thinking wish all of us learnt our counting wrong and 33 actually means 333 and the bottom is still some distance or may be down is the real up… the heading reads “Sat(y)am Fraud”, I’m like what nonsensical bullshit…media can blow up anything..meaning anything….I haven read the “fwd” yet u see…

Get back to my desk after lunch, still that buzz with associates huddling around computers discussing stuff, techies turned financial experts, Dog knows why…
Neways, I’d discover the reason only a moment later. There is a near sudden halt on business, I haven received some much awaited mails…So I decide to read them forwards… “that forward…”
As I read, I sink, cuz with every lineof the letter, the last one hour is falling in place and everything else is falling apart (not really, but I like the effect)… I cant avoid thinking that only the last one hour is the truth, “Satya” everything else I’m hoping is a lie,,,,and well I’m still hoping, which is business as usual,,,

The next day in office is even worse, Business as usual has acquired a new meaning, no body knows what to work on wt to touch, wt to avoid,, so there is this mad show of support, organized by one of the several units at the company…meaning suddenly people rushing down the building, mostly taking steps…
Its always mind boggling to look at a sea of humanity, tho this was more like “downstream” of humanity… I joined the crowd, like I often do…I’ve never been in a crowd so big without any pushing and shoving, there was none. I guess that’s what education is about, its just "business as usual" climbing down stairs…when we reach the company compound downstairs everyone is painting their hands and imprinting them on these massive sheets as signatures of support for Sat(y)am, people singing and chanting the name of the company.. its crazy, but me, the only thing I’m thinking is,,, “there are so many people in this company, so many, I’ve never seen them, this building just covered them and there are so many other such buildings,,, its like when I was a kid and used to throw a paper or a cloth on ants, then I’d observe them crawl out..…” I couldn’t help but wonder, why so many people around the world get fooled again and again. I think its because reactions to adversity are typical. If I fooled you once, and I know well, how you would react anytime I want to fool you, I sure will again.
Neways, deep down looking and listening to the crowd, I also felt that this show of strength was shallow; it is a desperate attempt at saving themselves in their minds, to hold onto that comfort zone tat a cushy job gives u... It’s amazing the strength and courage a crowd can give those associating with it.… Crisis brings out the best and the worst in people….its true, one can see it…the big talk is worth nothing and men from boys are not separated by age or bands (Sat(y)am governs itself bandwise)…its true and its exciting to see it unfold even if it is unfortunate…. And there is nothing like business as usual, if u’re in business or out of it, u know its only “frequently unusual”.

Rugged little bullshit called- Ma Cause

2008-09-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

Lack of commitment…its within u …we’re interested but not committed. Superhuman capabilities are demanded of men who want to excel ( yeah?), who want to be committed to a cause…Most of us are plain interested in one thing then another..
The attention span is shortening as I write…that might affect the length of this writing….so I push myself… with Eric Clapton playin in my head ‘let it grow’…
Love, hatred, bullshit (yeah, mostly)…
Our excuse fr not being committed is the lack of a cause or more foolishly the right fit…its isn a job we’re talking about fellow imbeciles, it’s a cause …they’re all around you, u wouldn need a project plan to get attached to them…you’ll need a heart, not even a kind heart, ask terrorists, they’re bloody good at beating us to it…
Whom do you wanna blame…Let me guess the government, the religious heads, Bush or GOD…GODs your easiest bet… ‘I am enraged by the blasts across the country’ but guess what ‘I also don have the balls to fight back’ …cuz ‘this ain my cause maite’…My Cause (read JOB) is to reduce the Time to market, Increase efficiency…and ‘basically’ (is that a word) send moronic forwards all day long and pretend that I work my ass off…wy, cuz I get paid ..naa! cuz this is Social Security Ver. X.Y… well well well,, guess wt my tertiary job description is : creating quadratiary jobs for the guys who sell cigarettes, juices, the one who delivers shit food and talks rude. My passion is going to the hippest club wit the shitiest music and scorn at the sight of rhythmic bare footed dancers at poor pious ceremonies on the street. But yes, I am still the ‘coolest’ (Cause 1.1.1.1: get a gun shoot the next person who says this word) because its ol relative and my world is u me and this other guy I know… The might of ignorance prevails and darkness shines thru the bright reflected light from my office building…
Welcome! u there…kill yourself..

SEAsidesque /

2008-09-10T11:56:00.000-07:00

Emerging long slender but wrong
Alien in an old photograph
Snowman-like riding horse seasidesque

Pictures with faces vanish quick
Pale old inhabitants look so sick

Contradictions aplenty but he doesn care
Why, the breed of him is rare.

Second to all day-tripper?

2008-07-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

As a tourist in an unknown famous town what is your identity?

Famous cities make you less significant. That’s what happened to me when I was walking ‘all over London’ (intended) for a week. Not that many knew me in Leeds or Delhi or Pune, but me knowing those cities and people there gave me a false sense of worthy existence.

At the same time wandering alone in an unknown place gives me a notorious sense of freedom, time to ponder, play day-tripper, second to all.

Here is a piece that I wrote while on the move in London city:

4^th June 2008

I walked streets yesterday n today…God knows what I was looking for, until today when I managed to strap myself with a flouroscent* band at The Metro (which I entered thru the back door, another story in itself) next to the Tottenham court station giving me access to a dozen almost secretive in their soul type of gig locations (I am so tempted to call it London’s underground scene, but honestly I wouldn know). Appropriately, this event is called city-showcase encouraging upcoming talent from all across England and some European artists too..

Yeah so at The Metro after watching some practice sessions as I was there early I’ve come The Fly on New Oxford street, where I’ve heard someome’s doing a Reggae act..

Right, I think there on..laterz

5^th June 2008

So from where I left yesterday, I heard this R&B set by artists who called themselves ‘Queens English’, local band (see the irony). Anyways massively talented, super attitude and loads of fun. Anyways after their set I strolled back to The Metro. This time in thru the front door,, just when I was thinking not as exciting as the backdoor, the doorman asked me to get rid of my ‘sparkling water’ bottle. It wassun really that sparkling know. Anyways he din mind the hip-flask…strange..maybe he knew better. Now then, by now it was late and the place was packed. ‘When Gravity fails’ an upcoming English rock band were playing, nice one. Stuck around for another hour or so and headed back on the tube to Wembley…

---So I was in London for a week, mostly alone, met a few people for brief periods and moved on. I was strangely restless. Its really weird you know when one joblessly moves at the pace of a city as fast as London. Its not like I had a job to do a place to be, still.

It was exciting yeah but I liked Leeds better which was more easy paced inspite of pressures of the day nol(hardly)…more English u c… It was a crazy bit of 4 odd months that I cannot paint a word(th)y picture of, highly recommended tho…..

Cheers

Friends:the sob story

2008-04-11T04:10:00.000-07:00

The other day I was at the gym, where all the four TVs were playing Friends the famous and supposedly funny story of 3 men and 3 women in New York city.
There is no doubt that the show is a phenomenon and will have a place in the history of civilization if some sociologist does a research on its effect on the funny sensibilities of a generation. My Generation.

But I think the time has come to move on. To stop laughing at the same technique repeatedly. I am obviously not recommending suppressing your laughter if you pass by an electronics showroom that’s selling TVs, Friends and New York.
What I am suggesting though is alternate humour, the one that’s all around us.
Also, I’m suggesting to all the comedy show producers there is a serious void created and Friends has long reached saturation and the time is ripe for another Cult series. To think about it there might be one out there that I have missed.

I’m no critique of comedy show’s but I do know what people at Friends have successfully done is create distinct characters who have a certain funny quotient which is only funny in the presence of the other characters. It’s easy and brilliant just like most of the other brilliant stuff, uncomplicated to face.

So what’s worrying? The fact that there is an army of mini Chandlers, Joey’s and Monica’s being created. You see people trying so hard to copy their style that they forget, they cant possibly replicate the context, even if they start staying opposite 2 reasonably pretty looking girls in a “New York like” city flat.
Also, not as worrying is the fact that all the TV stars have a career graph that has just one peak, a 10 yr or so peak tho.. and they make a living off royalties etc.
Reason simply being the friends lens wit which audience watches all their other performances.

So all those who remember every dialogue, the one wit’s n the rest… friends is not the only freakin source of humour…take your mates out for a beer and explore their potential and yours.

*the opinion itself might be freakin outdated

Consumer’s a Hobo and [Y]atra.com=Shoddy Co.

2008-03-01T06:37:00.000-08:00

Growing economy, increasing buying power, liberalization etc. etc. are only fancy phrases. The modern Indian consumer market is as progressive as an Opera.

After all the bullshit is slinged and the beat settles, the fact is you still have to pay extra in the form of a tip, bribe or commission to get basic service.
Let me narrate one of the instances that has disgruntled me.

I’m coming to U.K. so I book a ticket from Delhi to London for a particular date.
Then I change my mind and decide to fly to Manchester instead. Promise you for sane reasons. Now, I check with [Y]atra, the online booking portal I've got my tickets booked with, if I would be paying any extra money to cancel the ticket already booked and book another one on the new route with the same airline. Unfortunately, people at their call centre cannot even attend to an FAQ respectably.
They were however nice enough to give me the requisite information ultimately. So, I’ll be charged Rs. 400. I’m like fairplay, I’ll go with that.

So I cancel my ticket to London and book one to Manchester. Now, both tickets cost close to 20,000 leave alone the cancellation charges. That apart, the time and effort in calling these instruction reading service executives, takin a million ref. no.s and wt not.
Anyways, once I’ve booked it I ask them how long it would take for them to credit the amount of the first ticket into my account. Now the thing is, this is my dad’s credit card and its not a lot of fun playing wit. Right so these buggers tell me they’ll credit it back to my account within 3-4 days. Fairplay.
Its been a month since I’ve come to Leeds, and the money has still not been credited to my father’s account. This, inspite of him repeatedly calling them up and mailing them.
Its painful to even think of him going through that routine. I mean he had to pay the credit card company double of what he had to at the end of Jan.
It is important to understand that this is not just about the money, but about the whole façade of customer service and online transaction security.

Its time we have better consumer forums that are accessible and fierce. Some one’s gotta take [Y]atra’s trip and make mine better. Untill then, I’m awaiting a defamation case. haha. O I forgot they’d be too lazy to file one, besides their damages would never exceed mine. Fuck it! who's reading this.

From LEEDS, taking stock

2008-02-06T14:46:00.000-08:00

It’s been about a week and a half since I’ve come to the U.K.
I had always deliberated traveling abroad. The idea was fascinating, n I know for some it just isn’t. What can I study? the opportunities, the experience, the interactions etc. basically how can I jus get out and c wt the rest of it looks like. And before I had much time to consider the option of making this trip, I was already making it. No time to think “well, how’s it gonna be ??”.
Wicked ! ain it?

Anyways, its not without expectations that I came around. And, I must say it’s been pleasant tending on chilly (pun intended) so far.
I wouldn wanna elaborate on whats gone on cuz it would not make a fun read.
All I’d say is that coming abroad to study, specially the circumstances that I have in (as an exchange student) is invigorating.
Whatever traveling for pleasure might be, this definitely isn’t.
One can simply take out a lot of the allure and substitute it with pragmatism.
You gotta do your own chores. Not every one is rich. The proportion of fools don’t change. Language (atleast the accent) does, again with every 5 miles. Loads of friendly blokes around. Culture, may I suggest those harping about the lack of it, I’ll have to check on America(greedy am I not). Services expensive products cheap so on and so forth.
K now incase all ya wonderin why such positivity, bloody anglophile and the rest of it slung, Leeds is a student town with a massive international student population from across the world. Perhaps, the reason it is so lively and friendly.
Education, sports and clubbing/pubbing - top notch in this part of the world and whoever tells me we’re getting there I think we’re jus being too lazy about it. These folks are grown ups in these regards and they know it. I got the opportunity to meet the coordinator of the youth Common wealth Games,Pune. She was around to partner with the sports faculty of the Uni cuz its super .I’ll save my comments on that for the future.

Kai, so my opinion of 12 days might be biased, but who gives a shit anyways.

All said and done, there is plenty that I’d miss eventually. At the same time I hope the dip isn round the corner.

“Cheers”

GOD's a "Tripster"

2007-12-27T06:42:00.000-08:00

We’ve all come across people who take immense pleasure in another’s misery. The one’s who don’t believe in old fashioned fun where every one has a laugh together, not at someone’s expense. It’s a pity however that today wit is equated to how well you can take some one’s ass. We all have it in us. I’ve been as guilty as I’ve been victmised. To put it in casual terminology, trippin on each other, sometimes taking it to the extent where it is fun no more.

Now may I get to the point of this post, GOD yes GOD if there is any, is one helluva “tripster”.GOD created the universe and he created it to trip on something cuz he considered himself too sacred, too correct. He obviously does not have a sense of humour. Worst still, even we do not have a sense of humour about him. How many of us dare to challenge GOD or challenge our own beliefs about him ? Not many. The ones who do, hate him or the concept of him, and I know a few and it is more because GOD tripped on their misery hard enough or long enough.

Every now and then shit happens. Stuff we can’t explain in totality, and you know there is a lot of something involved that is beyond you. Some like to call that luck, some destiny and some “the will of the almighty” when infact its just "shit". I say, don’t be a GOD hater, but I also say don be over obsessed with the damn concept, it just allows HIM to become more haughty and sadistic. He’ll trip on you till you start hating his guts.

It’s like this, if you put your ass on the line someone’s gonna take it. Those who don’t have a problem wit that are truly GOD’s children. The rest of us are either pretending or are too self aware, GOD din blind us enough I guess. RESPECT.

The Paradox of Value and Art

2007-12-09T04:34:00.000-08:00

We’ve all heard long drawn debates on the price demanded by designers for their clothes. In my opinion it is unfair to single out this genre of creativity on its financial countenance.
The other day in a television interview Delhi based fashion designer, Rina Dhaka was volleying questions on why her prices are as high as they are. What I do not understand is, why does she need to justify this to a populist media man who does not understand any fashion and is lousier at doing some research on it?(not that I think she’s any good, I really don understand fashion dat well). That is another topic of debate. What I’m trying to focus on is the concept of “value and art”.

In management education we are made familiar with the concept of customer delivered value. In a nutshell, customer delivered value is the sum total of value that the customer derives out of buying a product .Product offering carries Financial, social, self esteem value. Financial value is the price that the customer pays for the item in terms of money.
Social and self esteem values are more abstract concepts which are difficult to quantify but are more often than not the ones that differentiate one product offering from another.

When we talk of paintings, sculptures, ornate stones etc. questions about their prices are not raised. Common perception about these things is that they are artistic and so the premium on price is justified. This perception is what makes them seem different from a designer garb. This is simply because clothing is a daily use item and a painting buy is more occasional.

We are so used to haggling for clothes in India that a rather complex but open mind would be the only exclusion from this non-acknowledging social order, pronounced insane by us to indulge in designer clothing. This, I feel is the reason why our fashion industry stumbles every time an international leap is close at hand. Paradox of an Indian artist that is, maybe someone could explain all this better.

lorD of waR

2007-12-09T04:09:00.000-08:00

World is not exactly as beautiful as some people thinks it is…also it is not getting any better than yesterday. So what does one do? do you get your kicks before the house comes down, do you move out, or do you grab on to the pillars at the same time trying to convince some one to re-lay the foundation.

I saw, "The Lord of War" the other day and its one of the better movies of recent times for me. I can safely say now that I really wanna know whats happening around me and not just get entertained by watching something that allows me to turn a blind eye and like I said earlier “get my kicks before the house comes down”.
Awareness, is it enough? No. but it is the bare minimum. Why should I live in a state of ignorance? Agreed, its better than living in a state of denial which might happen If beyond awareness I pretend my innocence and comfort others around that the world is Not That Bad After All.

Anyways, time now is to open myself to all kinds of realities, Socio-economic-political and the rest you can’t categorize, does not make them any less hard hitting.