To the Genuanz

Last, yeah last New Year’s eve… (meaning last night for dummies) I was on Delhi’s New yeared roads looking for my little piece of madness. I was going to Kabullarassa…hope its spelt like that….actually, even if I knew the right spelling I’d spell it wrong jus for the kicks… fuck that…so when I was about a k from me destination I felt the most lost with all the metro construction and stuff….
So I pulled up to ask a young brother walking on the side if he knew where this joint was…he gave me precise directions politely (ain dat surprising for Delhi) and then requested if he could hop on cuz he was goin to the hospital just short of where I was going to let my limbs explode. I was like “sure come on in”…. For a 3 mins, 800m ride, he showed me overwhelming gratitude when he told me he works night shifts at café coffee day in the hospital and I can drop by netime…he said “aana zaroor bhaiya” . I have very solid hitch hiking xperience and can safely say that for such short rides most hikers would go like a quick thank you, if at all and gone….This kid was polite looked hardworking and after a little discussion with me mum, we reckon he wasn’t from Delhi.
A small towner trying to make ends meet in the big city…
Wherever he was from, he sure gave me a very pleasant feel to kick start what was to be a super New Year Dilli party…. I don’t know the young brother’s (I like saying that) name, but peace be to him, his family n all genuanz…

What up with you Stranger

Have you wondered as I often do what the unknown stranger is doing/thinking.
Like the guy stuck between cars in his cycle when I’m on bike right in the middle of the economic divide.
Or like the lazy kid of rich daddy who’s made enough money and lost all sense of humour. Tell the kid use your body when you play a sport not your mouth. It’s not a head thing mate, it’s a heart thing. O sorry u’re growing in the age of superlative practicality and the last time you heard the word heart was when your folks called a cheesy movie well “cheesy”….”It doesn’t make any sense”. This is just a reflection of what I feel right….I’m tending towards left of centre…towards where most of my heart is I believe… But now that I’ve taken a jealous dig at the rich I’ll get back to the point of this one….
…we hear so much of others now n then….but how do we be so much of you and me. I don’t mean empathise and piss in someone else’s shoes and wet them if is just a precautionary piss. I’m talking about being someone else, and no not like in the movies……I want to realllllly be someone else for a bit…..and no I don’t wanna stay there,,,, I wanna get back to me…… but yeah….have you wondered like I wonder….”he definitely has an ugly grumpy wife”…. “it would be good to train like he does” the “support the undeserving bastard has”…… “why the fuck does he wanna be a fucking chick magnet”.
“How can he be a hair dresser and not love hair”… “Why can he not stop talking about his qualities or his rocking college life” …. “How shamelessly self conscious is this bugger to wear what he’s wearing”
Silence guys…please,,,,,,lets swap quick…..no ones watching…….done…..he he… no not done…..

PS. Ok…caveat….I don’t wana be chick even for a second……

Favoritism Bought/Earned

Very often, one truly understands the meaning and the rationale behind a social phenomenon by experiencing it in ones life. Especially when the circumstances are amusing or awkward, they are usually a combination of the two.

Some similar happened to me when I went to a public sector bank today with my dad. The purpose of our visit was to obtain a stamped and signed bank statement (piece of cake, not). Since I’ve already mentioned that it was a public sector bank and a popular one at that, one would expect to spend about half a day just trying to get to the counter and once you’re there, suggest with as few words as possible that you are a) busy b) important.

No such thing happened in our case as my dad’s reputation preceded him, he had established his credentials over years by a) personifying both attributes b) making sure diwali & holi were not celebrated only with friends and family but also with best wishes of the best kind for bankers, officials, drivers and cleaners. Anybody who understands what it means to gift whisky and accept the appended responsibility that it conveys to those who obtain it.

Therefore, now when we were at the bank we could simply head to the other side of the counter where we would be asked to take a seat and offered chilled water in the politeness private banks only aspire/promise (yet to figure that one).

As we made our request another man stepped to the table. Even though his disposition did not suggest that he had the necessary attributes to be on this side of the counter, since he was there and talking to the executive who was supposed to reek of gifted blender’s pride, I’m sure he had at least one of the attributes. I just realize attribute b) important is more important than busy. But the following conversation did more to reinforce my doubts than to vindicate the presence of any of the attributes:

Unknown dude: Sir statement chahiye

Exec: Pass book istimaal karo,

Unknown dude: arre Sir, karva dijiye

Exec: nahi ho sakta bola na, jaiye ab, ek sec. ye bataiye , kis liye chahiye??? Koi loan lena hai

Unknown dude: Nahi Saab (as if taking a loan is a bloody crime) aapko patta hai sarkari daftar mein kaise hota (beat his balls, he’s standing in a sarkari daftar)

Exec: Passbook se kaam ho jayega

Unknown dude (in his mid 30s literally pleading): Saab pehli baar maang raha hoon, aaj se pehle kabhi nahi maangi….please karva dijiye…

Exec: (says nothing to him, turns to us) kitne mahine ki statement chahiye saab

Kuber Chopra: 3 months (Korrupt smile) “Uncle” (I met him for the first time) ek certificate bhi chahiye, aur thoda jaldi karwa denge to bahaut meharbaani hogi…

Exec: Vijender!! (the bank clerk) chopra saab ka statement aur certificate, 5 minute

The unknown dude just kept standing there while our work was done, hands were shaken, bye byes hollered. I have no clue if he got his statement.

Lessons learnt: Its not only about how expensive the whisky u gift is….

Favoritism is a fact of life, be on the right side of the counter

Learn from your dad, he always has a lesson or two to teach